“It’s not you, it’s me”

These words I believe many of us have heard too often. I get it, it’s cliché, it’s annoying and it’s the warning sign none of us want to hear. I’ve come to realise that these words hold a deeper meaning that an easy-way-out clause.

I had this idea in my head that I’ve always been the ‘prepper’ for guys in near enough all of my relationships. I am the girl, who, gets with the boy, puts up with the crap and after teaching him the life lessons he should have known prior to dating me, ends up leaving me, as a man, ready for someone else.

Every relationship you enter into holds some sort of purpose. You may not realise it at the time, but as the months and years pass by you end up realising that, actually, he/she has done you a favour by both entering into your life and by leaving you. The only time you will realise this is when you fully let go, fully move on and use what you have learnt going forward. It’s ONLY when we do this we can stop repeating this ‘prepper’ like cycle that is utterly exhausting.

But I must have done something wrong?

Maybe you have, maybe you haven’t. If you can wholeheartedly say that the relationship you were in, you gave it your all, along with the honesty, respect, love and loyalty that one deserves, then what could you have possibly done wrong? If this is the case, then when someone says “it’s not you, it’s me” believe them. Believe that their time in your life is up, just as much as your time in their life is up to.

Way too many people get into relationships before they’re ready. Before they know who they are as a person, know what they value and before they are fully whole. I don’t believe it has anything to do with financial standing, where you come from or even down to what you look like aesthetically. It really is what is on the inside that counts. If you haven’t discovered who you are yet, battled your inner demons that’s keeping you from growth, then I don’t believe you are ready for a life-long commitment. As you can see from the images below my Instagram friends disagree with me, but then again, hardly any of them know who they are so how can they make a sound judgement #JustKidding.

In all seriousness though, I do think this is where the whole, “it’s not you, it’s me” saga comes from. People not being ready for the commitment they’ve entered into- and it’s OKAY. If you’ve realised this during your relationship, made some efforts that didn’t work then it’s alright! Don’t be kicking yourself about it, and don’t be kicking the other person either. It’s part of life, it’s part of growth, it’s part of being human.

If you’re someone that’s reading this, and you haven’t yet discovered who you are, and are actively seeking a relationship, it’s probably best to work on yourself first.

If you’re someone that’s reading this, and you have discovered who you are, yet it’s those who aren’t ready that you keep attracting, raise your standards, learn the warning signs and have the guts to leave when things aren’t looking great.

& on that note, I really wish I could take my own advice sometimes…

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